Betsy, Tacy, and Tib

I don't post here anymore...

2011-05-08T14:20:00.001-07:00

I've switched to this blog: Emily of Deep Valley :) Come check it out!!

Just Kiss Her

2009-03-08T13:56:00.000-07:00

"Why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death?" — Nosy neighbor, It’s A Wonderful Life.

What is the big deal with the "first kiss" and saving it for your wedding day? My parents, my parent's friends, and even my great-grandparents kissed before they were married and they did not "go too far."

Recently, I was watching the show 17 Kids and Counting which features the large Duggar family. What struck me the most were the episodes about their oldest son Joshua and his fiance (now wife) Anna. They tell their story and why they are saving their first kiss, but then they are allowed to hold hands.... Actually, I mean caress each other's hands. If anyone else saw this they know what I mean. When they were together, Josh and Anna's hands hardly ever parted-- they stroked each other's fingers and wrapped their hands around each other's hands. To put it honestly and bluntly... it was disgusting. It was like they were putting all of their (okay, I'm going to say it...) sexual tension into their handholding. I just wanted to push their heads together and make them kiss just so they could stop their horrible handholding. Let's just say I have not watched their show since.

I mentioned in my post Why I Dislike Forums about the 200 + girls who were all saving their first kiss for their wedding day on the Rebelution forums. What is the big deal? I am not saving my first kiss for my wedding day. I want my first kiss to be in private away from relatives and cameras. I do not need it recorded on film for future generations either. (Oh... and engagement should be private too! Not in front of the whole family.) Just because a couple kisses does not mean they are going to... well, do anything further. As my sister Ingrid pointed out, "Having never been kissed, I cannot draw from personal experience but I can say that kissing seems to be highly over-rated. So over-rated that Christians are encouraging each other to wait until the wedding day to share their first kiss in front of 10-500 people. It must be wonderful if it requires such an audience!... Let’s see, who else kissed before marriage? Betsy and Joe (of Betsy-Tacy), Laura and Almanzo (of Little House), Jo and Fritz, Amy and Laurie (of Little Women), Anne and Gilbert (of Green Gables), Irene and Curdie (of Princess and the Goblin), Rilla and Ken (of Ingleside), my grandparents, my great-grandparents, and the list goes on. They didn’t seem to have any trouble."

I will close with the lyrics to the song Kiss Me, by Sixpence None The Richer.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

This is a sweet song, very simple.... It reminds me of "old-fashioned times" of picnics and when people lived simpler lives that were not full of rules and should-nots.

Why I Dislike Forums

2008-12-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

Ever since the beginning of the Internet, people have been connecting with each other to share opinions and information via forums.

About two years ago, I was hooked on the The Rebelution forums (of which I was a member). I visited the site regularly to see if there were any new posts in the forum, it was fun for awhile. However, I soon sensed a different atmosphere in the forums. That of over-analyzing and criticizing scripture, movies, books, music, and even modesty. I am not a fan of The Rebelution, but I won't go into that right now.

I soon found out that forums really are not useful, because they turn into a weird type of party where people are inconsiderate, outspoken, and lack manners.

I remember certain instances on the Rebelution forums, some of which I will share. Once a girl was trying to figure out what the word "replenish" meant in a Bible verse (I believe it was Genesis 1:22). Teens spent days trying to figure out what "replenish" meant in the Bible verse.

After I recommended the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in one of the forums, a 14-year-old boy e-mailed me telling me how it was not a good movie and I should not recommend it (I was almost 18 at this point and I little irritated that a boy my brother's age was correcting me about a great movie.)

There was also a thread with 200+ replies that was titled "Virgin Lips" in which almost all of the ladies in the Girl's Forum were stating that they were going to save their first kiss for their wedding day (which is an entirely different subject that I will talk about in a different post). Needless to say, I did not comment in that thread. :)

During the three or so months that I was apart of the forum, the Lord starting convicting me that I did not need to spend my time at "The Rebelution" anymore. However, the straw that broke the camels back confirmed that I needed to leave. That was a thread titled, "Is it okay for guys to wear eyeliner?" The post went on and on about how cool eyeliner was and asked opinions of both girls and guys on this subject. I read on, hoping that people were saying "Absolutely not!" But this was not the case, as about ten boys and girls were saying, "I don't know why not," "Sure!" and "Yeah, I (a boy) wear it, it's cool!" I freaked out... why on earth do some guys think that they need to wear eyeliner? I never darkened the pages of that forum again. :)

Recently, I have stumbled upon forums (that I have not gone to since) where people criticized the Gosselin family of Jon & Kate Plus 8 . Their comments were just rude. No, I don't like everything that this family does, but I don't sit around analyzing their values and what they do/say on TV. In fact, most of the commenter's seem just plain jealous of the freebies and media attention that these families receive.

People have become unmannered, in that they don't hold their tongue and opinion in check. Unfortunately, the internet has promoted this downfall of manners and communication.

Modern Chivalry~ What Girls Appreciate

2008-12-19T08:17:00.001-08:00

A year ago, I found this hilarious article about chivalry. Below is an excerpt of the article.

~What She Really Wants~

"Is giving up your seat a show of respect or an act of outdated chauvinism? A panel of actual women tell all!

Our lovely* panel:
Katherine, 29, psychologist, Palo Alto, California
Alyssa, 29, lawyer, Brooklyn
Laura, 33, fashion-magazine editor, New York
Patricia, 53, teacher, Cranston, Rhode Island

ESQ: The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?

Katherine: That depends. If you are a step or two ahead of me, I'd expect you to hold the door. If it's more than that, don't bother. If you're far ahead of me, it's like you're waiting and I feel like I have to hurry up.

We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?

Alyssa: I actually think the idea that men should get up for young, healthy women is ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of standing. I'm not a delicate flower who needs to sit.

Laura: It would kind of freak me out a little bit, like I'm old and infirm and not a sassy young thing anymore.

We think you may be pregnant -- it's hard to tell with those loose dresses. What do we do?

Patricia: In that case, just offer the seat -- without asking when we're due. You don't have to say why you are getting up. Nothing looks worse than a man who makes a pregnant woman stand.

A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?

Katherine: I think a good rule of thumb is, if it looks like we're struggling, offer to help -- we'll really appreciate it.

Alyssa: As much as I want to be pro-feminist and able-bodied, if I'm carrying something heavy, help a girl out.

Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.

Patricia: Helping me up the stairs is plenty. Just exit by asking, "Are you okay with this now?"

Laura: I'd like you to help me take it through security, take my laptop out of the case, put it back in again, take my shoes off, and smuggle in my water. That is modern chivalry. I'd marry that man.

We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?

Laura: You already feel bad enough if you're crying in the street. It's better if nobody else acknowledges it.

Katherine: If we happen to be standing next to, say, a broken-down car, ask if we need help or if we need to use your phone."

NOTE: By posting this article, which I found via Yahoo.com news about a year ago, I am not supporting or endorsing the website or magazine that published it.

The Questions They Ask

2008-12-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember, my grandparents have been there for me. I do love them very dearly. However, they have always asked many questions… usually repeatedly. This is a list of questions that my mom has been asked, I have been asked (up to "Age 19"), and/or questions that I anticipate being asked in the next ten years. :)

Age 1 day: “When is she going to sleep through the night?”

Age 1: “When is she going to be potty trained?”

Age 2: “When is she going to start preschool?”

Age 4: “When is she going to start school? What is homeschooling?”

Age 13: “Where is she going to high school? Can you still teach her at home?”

Age 14: This is about the time when the big college questions start. “What are you going to do in college? Where are you going to college?”

Age 15: “When are you going to start driving? When are you getting your driver’s license?”This age is also the start of “When are you getting a car? Don’t you want your own car?” My answer (that silenced my grandpa for a while): “Sure, you can just buy me a VW Beetle- light blue or red, and then pay for the insurance, maintenance, and gas and I will drive it!”

Age 16: “Is she going to prom?”Age 17: If you are still undecided about college, (and almost everyone is) they become very anxious and the college questions become more frequent. “What are you going to study in college? Where are you going?” Well, to the same place you asked last month- “The College of the Undecided.”[1]

Age 18: "Is your (Homeschool) high school diploma valid, I mean... does it really signify that you graduated from high school?" :)

Age 19: College is settled now… so you can guess what comes next! :) “Do you know any boys? When are you going to go out with a boy? Why don’t you date?” My answer: “Well, I’m not really interested in boys right now. In a few years I will find a nice man and get married.” Response from grandparents: “You have to date before you can get married” and “You’re too young to get married.” :) Note: My new response will be "I'm as old as you were when you got married."

Married (unknown age): When are you going to have a baby?

After having 2 children in a period of two to four years: “You do know how babies come, right?”

After having 3-4 children (at this point they freak out): “When are you going to stop having children?” and “Don’t you think #__ is enough?”

[1] Quote from the Movie “What a Girl Wants,” 2003

Serving Your Father vs. Serving God

2008-12-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

This post first appeared on my sister's blog Semper Eadem. However, a year later, I have rewritten parts and updated it.

While I was doing some research for various ideas this morning, I stumbled onto post by the Botkin sisters (most of which appears below). By the time I had read half of the lengthy post, I was quite irritated and started writing as you can see below.

Excerpts from: ~Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles~Italics are original article by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin.

“The sign of our maturity and adulthood is when we willingly submit ourselves to God-given authority and therefore to God Himself. This is a struggle, and it requires strength, wisdom, responsibility and spiritual maturity.”

Why must parents come first in the Botkin’s minds? Everything in the following article is parents first, God later.

“An adult daughter, raised well by conscientious parents, will be able to think, will know how to live sensibly, will be discerning and self-controlled and self-disciplined, and will be wise and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.”

Okay, I really do not have any problems with the beginning of this, until you get to the last few words “and have understanding that may, in some areas, exceed that of her parents.” My first thought is yes, we should be able to always have a gift from God that enables us to know something a little more than our parents. Ingrid loves history and Latin; she loves to stump our family with history questions and funny Latin phrases. I am a student nurse, so that automatically makes me the “medical encyclopedia” of the family. Whenever my family has a twinge, burn, or sprain, I am always the one that diagnoses their ailment. It can get quite funny at times: “No, sorry Ingrid, your arm will not heal from its sprain for 4-6 weeks, and it may take up to 6 months.” :) It should be expected that a child, as soon as he or she starts to learn, that they will learn something that the parents do not know. I love and respect my parents, but to put it bluntly: Parents do not know everything there is to know in the world! In fact, no human being knows everything. God is the only one who knows everything there is to know! The Botkin girls make it sound like you are sinning if you happen to get a little smarter than your parents.

“The sign of maturity isn’t that we simply “obey” our parents’ commands, but that we understand deeply what our parents’ hearts and goals are, and can anticipate and even exceed what they expect of us.”

A while ago, my dad wrote me a note that said what his goals were for Ingrid and me when we grew up. Some of them were that we would have a mature faith, be a wife and mother, serve others, and never be afraid to say what was right. I treasure that note and as I look back, it has nothing selfish about “serving me and your mother” or “giving up what God wants you to do to serve me.”

“The mature daughter is the one that takes the initiative and says, “Dad, what time would you like me to get up? I know that spending time with your family before you leave for work is important to you, and I love that about you… so how can I help make it happen?” This is one thing that makes us different from mindless automatons with no wills of our own (which some girls seem mortally afraid of becoming.)”

Well, maybe the Botkin girls like to get up at the crack of dawn, but please let me stay in bed until at least 7 am! (Unless I have to leave for clinicals at a hospital at 6am). Even my dad loves to sleep in when he is off, I do not think it is necessary to shave or dress your father, or be up early to serve your father. To put it bluntly (in fact, I am hardly ever blunt; just ask Ingrid) why does it matter? If I want to be mature, all I have to do is ask my dad what time he wants me to get up in the morning?? If I asked my dad (at the age of almost 19) what time he wanted me to get up in the morning, he would start laughing. I should know by now! :)Where do the Botkin girls come up with such ridiculous words, such as “automatons”? The first word I thought of was robot (which is correct-why can’t they just say robot?), then I thought of auto-matrons, as in an automatic robot matron that does whatever her husband says. I do have one thought: if you are not mature enough to know what time to get up (and that may just be an example on the Botkin’s behalf-but a poor example at that), and you must ask your father… you are a “mindless automaton”!! I save my precious conversations that I have with my dad for much more intelligent topics. :)

“In our household, five of our seven children (all unmarried and living at home) are adults; four of us are in our twenties. Three of us have written books. Four of us have begun our own business. Two of us have our “own” ministry. Five of us speak at conferences. All of us have education and expertise in areas that exceeds that of our parents in multiple areas. But we don’t use these facts as an excuse to “outgrow” our parents. We use these things as tools to advance our parents. To build on their vision. To establish their authority. To proclaim their names in the gates. We all have taken our father’s vision and made it our own. This knitting together of our minds, hearts, and gifts has forged us together into one powerful weapon for Christ’s glory and Kingdom. Together, we are ten times more fruitful and effective than we each would be, separated from our parents’ unifying vision.”

So: according to the Botkin’s, for our parents we are “to build their vision, establish their authority,” and “to proclaim their names in the gates. (bold added for effect)” Where do I begin?!? 1 Peter 4:11 says, “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. (bold added for effect)” According to the Bible (not Botkin’s) we are to build God’s vision, establish God as the supreme authority, and proclaim His name to everyone around us! Is that not a brave and magnificent task?

Has no one in these “serve father” groups ever read the Gospels? Jesus left his earthly father and mother and preached. His disciples left their families too. In Matthew 8: 21-22, “Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead'." Matthew 4:21-22 says, “Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.”

“We only invest time in developing those gifts that will render us most useful to our Creator and King. This means dying to ourselves; it means sacrificing our personal interests and agendas. Ultimately, it means losing our lives so that we may find them. But that is the Christian life.”

Okay, this sounds promising, but wait… the look at the part about “dying to ourselves” again. If we die to ourselves and give up what we want to do in life, then we are following God, according to the Botkin’s philosophy. This makes little sense when you look at the big picture. As Ingrid says, “God gave all of us talents and abilities. If we sacrifice them, what do we have left to serve Him with?” I searched the entire Bible, with the words “serve”, “father”, “children”, and “daughter.” I never found a verse that said “children must serve their father and/or parents."

I did find:

“And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.” ~Genesis 31:6~This is in the story of Jacob serving Laban for his daughters Rachel and Leah. If you know this story as well as I do, you know that Jacob served Laban 7 years for his daughter Rachel. Laban was dishonest and gave Jacob his other daughter Leah instead. Jacob did get Rachel as a wife, about a week later, but as a result, he had to serve Laban for another 14 years. I don't think that that is a great reason to serve your father.

“Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.” Joshua 24:14 KJV. There are many verses just like this one in the Old Testament about serving the Lord, not the fathers.

“If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.” John 12:26 KJV. These are Jesus’ words! We are to follow and serve Jesus to honor God, who is our heavenly Father. Of course, through following Jesus, we are also blessing our parents and honoring them.

“We need to see the liberty inside this grand vision, rather than looking for license outside it. Instead of repining all the things we may have to give up (e.g. “my life,” “my space,” “my time,” “my dreams,” “my schedule,” “my way,” “my friends,” etc.), we should say “good riddance” to useless, selfish, autonomous “adulthood,” and mature into loving the joy, productivity and adventure that is life in a Christian family unit.”

Jesus said “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10: 37. If we are to serve the Lord, then we are to do what He wants. Sometimes, that can be through our parents, but sometimes it is thinking outside the box! I have my own schedule when school starts, but so do my homeschooled siblings and my parents. I am not being “selfish” if I am following my plan that was designed by God, not by my parents. My time is precious to me; when my homework and studying are done, I love playing games with my siblings, doing paperwork for my dad, cleaning something for my mom, and talking with Ingrid. I have my own “dreams,” but why should not we have dreams? Do the Botkin girls “dream” of getting married and having children? I do, and there is nothing wrong with that!

In fact, the more I think about it, it is really the fathers who are being selfish. They are blocking their daughters from following God by teaching them to be automatons.

“Observation three: A father can’t communicate properly with a daughter he cannot fully trust in. His heart can’t fully trust in you until he knows he has your hearts.”

This is a lie. It never says this in the Bible, so it sounds like more Botkin philosophy. I have not given my heart to anyone (yet!), and my dad still trusts me that I am not going to do something morally wrong and against our Christian faith.

“You’ve probably heard many times that you need to “give your heart to your parents.” What does it actually mean to give your parents your heart? The heart, called “the seat of the affections,” is the source of all passions, desires, loves, interests, likes and dislikes, convictions and opinions. Proverbs 23:26 says, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.”

The Botkins put the Proverbs verse there to make you think that "Oh, it's in the Bible... so I have to do it." But they don't put the second part of the verse, because in the bible, it's a comma-- not a period that ends Proverbs 23:26. Verse 27 states, "for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well." You have to read a verse in context sometimes to understand the full meaning. It seems that this verse is trying to say that you need to guard your heart and your emotions against sinful behaviors.

Two other verses that stuck out as I read Proverbs 23, were 15 and 19.(15) "My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad;" (19) "Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path." It seems that these verses are speaking more to purity and intelligence.

“God wants our hearts and all that they contain to be surrendered to our parents – and ultimately to God – to be molded and directed. Making yourself vulnerable in this way requires Trust. You must trust your parents, that they ultimately desire what is best for you, and that they are qualified to lead you and guide you simply because they are your parents chosen by God to raise you.”

In this part, “God wants” something, but first then you must “surrender to parents,” and then surrender “ultimately to God.” Why are the parents first? I have given my heart to God, not to my parents. I try very hard to trust Him every day in His plans for my life. Last year, when I was waiting to be accepted into my nursing program I prayed, “Dear God, if it is your will, allow me to be chosen for this nursing program. If you want me to be a nurse, I will follow your plans for me and what you want me to do with my life for you.” It was a humbling and trusting prayer, I prayed it daily, sometimes more than once a day. Finally, when I was accepted, I felt God’s assurance, that I was following his plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.” God has wonderful plans for our lives; we must follow Him and Him alone!

I feel so sorry for girls who are stifled by this teaching. We are also designed by God and have varying purposes, but if we just trust our parents to do what they think is best, we are not taking initiative and acting as adults.

“It also requires Faith. Faith that God will lead you through your parents, imperfect though they are. And faith in God’s promised blessings for your obedience.”

Back to above, why are girls taught to follow parents and not God? The Botkin girls say “God will lead you through your parents” where in the Bible does it say that??

“When your parents have your heart you will truly “delight in their ways.” You will love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even “think their thoughts after them.””

The thought of not having my own opinion in any matter is shocking. :) Can you imagine believing that your parents are right about everything and that you will be so taken in that you “love what they love, hate what they hate, and desire their approval and company and even ‘think their thoughts after them’.” The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That means parents and children alike! It seems that the Botkins and other families have set up their parents as idols to worship and adore.

This is called “seeking after the hearts of your parents” just as King David was “a man after God’s own heart.”

So Jesus is supposed to be after Joseph’s own heart? It seems so, since earthly humans seem to be valued more than God. Ingrid was rather irritated when I read her the above. :) King David was “a man after God’s own heart” this has nothing to do with “seeking after the hearts of your parents” which, by the way, where is that in the Bible? In Acts 13: 20-22 it says, "After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he [God] gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years. After removing Saul, he [God] made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my [God’s] own heart; he will do everything I want him to do’.” It is misleading to quote verses meant for glory and honor of God and to then twist them and give them a new meaning to support your article and beliefs. Just read Jesus’ words in Mark 9:42 "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.”

"Similarly, your parent’s hearts should be able to trust in you, as it says in Proverbs 31, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” This means that they will have confidence in your obedience, when they are watching and when they’re not, that you will demonstrate loyalty to them and to every thing they have taught you, in what you speak and do, in public and in private."

That Proverbs 31 verse is referring to a wife’s heart being with her husband…not with the parents! I am so sick of people taking verses out of context! The above verse in Proverbs 31 has nothing to do with giving a girl’s (or child’s) heart to parents.When I read the above article, I was astonished. Why are people following and listening to the twisted teachings of the Botkin girls? God told us to in Exodus 20:12 to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” That verse does not tell you to serve your father! The Bible also tells us to serve the Lord numerous times: in Deuteronomy, Joshua, Psalms, Jeremiah, Zephaniah, Ephesians, etc.... When Satan is tempting Jesus in Matthew 4:10, “Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only’”” (from Deuteronomy 6:13). Jesus understood the importance of serving God, not men.

Colossians 3:23 states, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” It is one thing to “serve your father,” but it much more important to serve God! He should always come before your parents and His word should not be abused as to suggest otherwise.

Works Cited:“Authoritative Parents, Adult Daughters, and Power Struggles” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. Accessed on January 10, 2008, from: http://visionarydaughters.com/2007/05/authoritative-parents-adult-daughters-and-power-struggles